“If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet,” she wrote. The movement started in response to the Harvey Weinstein scandal and its ensuing fall out.
Every girl on my Facebook changed their status to this yesterday. Another very small step towards solidarity that will ultimately not change anything. It’s frustrating. I’m going to rant now, apologies if it’s not the best written piece on here.
I’m sure most of us have more than one story, especially considering harassment is included in this, and that’s something that is often endured on a weekly, and for some, daily basis. As for assault, the numbers there are frighteningly high as well. I remember being in grade 7, and being told by our teacher that 1 in 5 of us would be assaulted in our lifetime; sitting with a group of 5 girls, this stuck with me. Now, as an adult, I’ve heard that statistic raised to 1 in 4, and I know that out of that group from so many years ago at least 2 had that fate.
So how is this status change helping? I think all of us reasonable people know that, even if we don’t know which ones, someone we are close to has been the victim of sexual harassment or assault. The problem with these simple little remarks is that they are not calling out the people who are the perpetrators, and often, when someone does, they are labeled a vindictive bitch, and find their personal lives being scrutinized by those who are sure they were somehow “asking for it”. We all know about the victims, but how about the scum that made them victims in the first place?
Admittedly, there’s a lot of reasons for someone to not want to come forward and name names. And I myself have stories I am not interested in sharing. But as one of them has already been written about twice on this blog, and is a matter of public record, I’m going to share it one more time.
In 2015 I worked for Theatre 20, and I thought I had my dream job, working there as Producer. I was wrong. I won’t bother getting into all the hell that was a part of the daily job, because it’s off topic, instead I’ll skip ahead to the sexual harassment that somehow lead to me, rather than the perpetrator, being fired.
As I mentioned in a past blog, Chris Weber (currently working as VP of Whole Life Balance Canada), a married man 11 years my senior who was a member of our Board, and so in a position of power, had on numerous times made inappropriate advances. The only one which I had real “proof” of, and so what was the main focus of that aspect of my HRTO claim, was a text message in which he stated he wanted to see me in a “shorter dress”.
Admittedly, much worse things have been said, but given the power imbalance this concerned me enough to mention it to my boss, who also happened to be the only other (full-time) employee at the company, Brian Goldenberg. Apparently he never addressed it in any way, and in the evidence for the hearing (he didn’t actually bother to attend the hearing himself), tried to say I had told him it was “no big deal” – not sure why I would’ve bothered saying anything if that was the case…
Eventually, the harassment from Weber and other members of the board got to the point where I felt I couldn’t work there under those circumstances, and I told Brian this. I asked him to deal with it, and when weeks went by with no change, I said that if he wouldn’t do something about it, I would. I offered to speak to the Board myself, and advised that if the inappropriate behaviour didn’t stop after that, I would be forced to file a Human Rights claim about it. For this, I was fired.
Again, you can read all about it in my blog, Finally, but the gist of it is, I was fired with no notice and no cause, and at the hearing won my case, with the HRTO determining that they were guilty of Sexual Harassment (Weber, specifically, though this was against the company, not an individual), and Threat of Reprisal (Brian, in this case). I was supposed to be awarded financial compensation for this, but they have ignored this judgement as well as letters from my lawyer, so here we are, years after the initial incident, and all that has changed is I no longer work there (well, in fairness, the company did fold, but for different reasons).
Why would anyone speak up? I lost my job over it. I wasn’t traumatized from the harassment so that was the worst of it, if you don’t count the years of time and money and stress trying to take this through court. I won my case, which should mean that something is done but they refuse to pay the small amount of money I was awarded, and the perpetrators continue to work in the same community (Brian had a show in the Fringe this past year), and the HRTO isn’t punitive so essentially nothing was done to either of them. And this is still a better turnout than a lot of women have. Some try a civil case and throw thousands of dollars into it. Some try criminal (where worse things have happened), and are attacked on the stand as the defence tries to paint them as some whore. I’ve heard so many terrible stories from people I know, that are not mine to share, but I can say I’m not surprised that they didn’t speak up. It rarely goes well. So I guess this #metoo is the safest way someone can say something because basically everyone can say it (isn’t that a disgusting thought?).
But you know what I’d love to see? (and I know, this totally makes me a vindictive bitch out on a “witchhunt”), instead of #metoo how about #hedid, and you name the fucker who’s put you through shit. Let’s stop quietly adding ourselves to the list of people who are treated like meat, or treated like idiots, or treated like bitches if we dare to stand up for ourselves. This is not something where the focus should be on the victims, it should be on a perpetrators. Maybe that will stop them, or at least warn the next girl to watch out. I’m so sick of seeing how many people are a part of #metoo.